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TOO MANY OPTIONS As research by Barry Schwartz and other psychologists has shown, having more options not only makes it harder to choose something, but also may make us less satisfied with our choices, because we can’t help wonder whether we erred.
Consider a study by the Columbia University psychologist Sheena S. She set up a table at an upscale food store and offered shoppers samples of jams.
Afterward, users were asked to rate their satisfaction with the experience.
Sometimes, the researchers offered six types of jam, but other times they offered 24. If you’re on a date with a certain jam, you can’t even focus because as soon as you go to the bathroom, three other jams have texted you. One way to avoid this problem is to give each jam a fair chance. ” Then you keep hearing it and you think, “Oh Drake, you’ve done it again!
When they offered 24, people were more likely to stop in and have a taste, but they were almost 10 times less likely to actually jam than people who had just six kinds to try. Remember: Although we are initially attracted to people by their physical appearance and traits we can quickly recognize, the things that make us fall for someone are their deeper, more personal qualities, which come out only during sustained interactions. Zajonc have established the “mere exposure effect”: Repeated exposure to a stimulus tends to enhance one’s feelings toward it. In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, the University of Texas psychologists Paul W. Hunt suggest that in dating contexts, a person’s looks, charisma and professional success may matter less for relationship success than other factors that we each value differently, such as tastes and preferences. ”In a way, we are all like that Drake song: The more time you spend with us, the more likely we are to get stuck in your head. After all, the odds are it won’t be a love connection.
Many singles compare it to a second job, more duty than flirtation; the word “exhausting” came up constantly. Is there a way to do it more effectively, with less stress?
The evidence from our two years of study, which included interviews around the world, from Tokyo to Wichita, Kan., says yes.
Some of what we learned was pretty weird: Men who look away and don’t smile do better than those who do; women holding animals don’t do well, but men holding animals do.
Men did better when shown engaging in an interesting activity.
In 1940, 24 percent of heterosexual romantic couples in the United States met through family, 21 percent through friends, 21 percent through school, 13 percent through neighbors, 13 percent through church, 12 percent at a bar or restaurant and 10 percent through co-workers.
(Some categories overlapped.)By 2009, half of all straight couples still met through friends or at a bar or restaurant, but 22 percent met online, and all other sources had shrunk.
A recent study led by the Northwestern psychologist Eli J.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating