Jerry seinfeld quotes about dating

And, just a hair shy of 40, he met a woman who would capture his heart: a high school student he picked up one day in Central Park.

Shoshanna Lonstein was a senior at the prestigious Nightingale-Bamford School on the Upper West Side when, on a spring afternoon, she was approached by one of the most well-known comedians in the country.

It appears unclear if Lonstein knew exactly who she was talking to at the time, but after a short conversation, she gave her phone number to the comedian, sparking a relationship that would begin around her high school graduation and end right after her college one.

Here are 64 of the greatest quotes from a show that introduced us to “low-talkers”, “re-gifting” and “double dipping” to celebrate the anniversary. ” Jerry: “Same reason you can’t over-wet.” Jerry, on bad food choices: “Salad! Women don’t respect salad eaters.” George: “She calls me up at my office. The four worst words in the English language.” George: “That or ‘Whose bra is this? I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. ” George: “No.” Kramer: “Do you have any action at all? Time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. ” – George “I guarantee you that Moses was a picker.

What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?

Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel…” – Newman “I will never understand the bathrooms in this country. I mean that if it’s a combination of breakfast and lunch, how comes there’s no ‘lupper’ or no ‘linner’?

From now on, when you take a chip — just take one dip and end it.” – Timmy George on the benefits of mental institutions: “I should be in a place like this.

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I guess the blind people don’t like being associated with all those losers.” “Moles — freckles’ ugly cousin.” – Kramer “Why did it all turn out like this for me? Every instinct I have, in every walk of life, be it something to wear, something to eat… ” Jerry: “I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number and I’ll call you back later? ” – Kramer “Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. A good-looking blind woman doesn’t even know you’re not good enough for her.” – George “Who goes on vacation without a job?

it’s all been wrong.” – George Kramer: “You’re wasting your life.” George: “I am not. ” Telemarketer: “Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.” Jerry: “Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home. It’s really quite disgusting.” – George “Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle? ” – George “What is this obsession people have with books? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odour? We either break up, which she would do anyway, but at least I go out with some dignity. It’s absolutely brilliant.” – George “Divorce is very difficult. Of course, I’m the result of my parents having stayed together, so you never know.” – George “They don’t have a decent piece of fruit at the supermarket. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? What do you need a break from getting up at eleven?

I love those.” “What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? That's why our new email newsletter will deliver a mobile-friendly snapshot of uk to your inbox every morning, from Monday to Saturday.

Adults think it’s so wonderful how honest kids are. I’ll take a deceptive adult over an honest kid any day.” – George “I’m not stable?! I take these glasses off, you can’t tell the difference between me and a rock. and some jokes: 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh (and cringe) 41 of Bill Bailey’s most gleefully funny jokes and one-liners 25 hilarious dad jokes you’ve probably never heard before 40 of the funniest jokes about Brexit 25 of Spike Milligan’s greatest gags 100 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland We know that sometimes it’s easier for us to come to you with the news.

Well, now you know how I feel.” “People don’t turn down money! ” – Jerry “I think if one’s going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note—it’s common courtesy. They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. ” – Elaine “How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out? I’m scared of the same thing that you are, everything.” – George “You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I must be at the nexus of the universe.” – Kramer “A preemptive breakup. Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship? ” – Jerry “You know what would make a great coffee table book? ” – Kramer “Hey, how come people don’t have dip for dinner?

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