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But, for some reason, we have decided that father-daughter time should involve an element of roleplay—roleplay that’s undeniably based on the tropes of modern dating—and mother-son time should not. I do think that I’d be more accepting of the daddy-daughter date roleplaying if society placed just as much value on mothers and sons doing exactly the same thing. And I find that disparity both troubling and telling.
I think parents spending time with their kids and showing their children respect is unfathomably important.
But I’ve always been confused about why dads and daughters structure that time around “dates”—roleplaying lessons in opposite-gender respect—while the same expectation apparently doesn’t exist between mothers and sons. If there’s no dad, should the moms be taking the daughter out and showing her how to be respected at a fancy dinner and a formal dance?
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Now, let me cut you off here, I am NOT saying that there is anything ROMANTIC about father-daughter dates. And mother-son “dates” don’t generally use the same structure. This leads into category #2 in defense of father-daughter dates—“I take her on dates to show her how she should be treated by the men in her life.” Again, I am not here to argue whether that is a valid or invalid point, but I will note that I can’t think of any time when those roles are traditionally flipped and mothers do something similar with their sons. Dad-daughter date advocates often say things like “I open doors, I tell her she’s special, I bring flowers” to demonstrate how they’re using the date structure to show their daughters how they should expect to be treated by other men. Do the moms need to let their sons open doors or pay for the meal? ) There’s this thing in our society where it’s socially acceptable for fathers to be held up as the “ideal men” for their daughters, but mothers aren’t supposed to be the “perfect women” for their sons.