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But, for some reason, we have decided that father-daughter time should involve an element of roleplay—roleplay that’s undeniably based on the tropes of modern dating—and mother-son time should not. I do think that I’d be more accepting of the daddy-daughter date roleplaying if society placed just as much value on mothers and sons doing exactly the same thing. And I find that disparity both troubling and telling.

I think parents spending time with their kids and showing their children respect is unfathomably important.

But I’ve always been confused about why dads and daughters structure that time around “dates”—roleplaying lessons in opposite-gender respect—while the same expectation apparently doesn’t exist between mothers and sons. If there’s no dad, should the moms be taking the daughter out and showing her how to be respected at a fancy dinner and a formal dance?

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Now, let me cut you off here, I am NOT saying that there is anything ROMANTIC about father-daughter dates. And mother-son “dates” don’t generally use the same structure. This leads into category #2 in defense of father-daughter dates—“I take her on dates to show her how she should be treated by the men in her life.” Again, I am not here to argue whether that is a valid or invalid point, but I will note that I can’t think of any time when those roles are traditionally flipped and mothers do something similar with their sons. Dad-daughter date advocates often say things like “I open doors, I tell her she’s special, I bring flowers” to demonstrate how they’re using the date structure to show their daughters how they should expect to be treated by other men. Do the moms need to let their sons open doors or pay for the meal? ) There’s this thing in our society where it’s socially acceptable for fathers to be held up as the “ideal men” for their daughters, but mothers aren’t supposed to be the “perfect women” for their sons.

Can you think of a time when a mom takes her son out, they get dressed up, and she’s trying to show her son how his future girlfriends should treat him later in life? And it IS a romantic date structure because men don’t usually bring flowers or go dancing when they’re trying to express their respect for their aunts, female work friends, or sisters. placed in the same situations, what are moms supposed to do with their sons? Are the moms supposed to listen intently, laugh at his jokes, and tell him that’s he’s handsome? If a boy ends up with a woman who’s “just like his mother,” that’s generally perceived to be a bad or a weak thing. If we have fathers taking their daughters on admittedly innocent “dates” to teach them about how men should respect them, should mothers be doing the exact same thing?While I know some fathers and daughters who have similarly average outings, I’ve also seen many, many “daddy-daughter dates” that involve the dad and daughter dressing up in their best and actually going on a “faux-date”—he brings her flowers, tells her she’s beautiful, they go out to a fancy dinner, maybe dancing.In fact, they have whole “daddy-daughter dances” that are structured in the exact same format as high school dances. and its brands use cookies to identify your individual device so that we and our third-party partners can efficiently deliver content and advertisements that will be relevant to you, based on the pages you visit on our site(s) and other websites across the internet.This Privacy Policy applies to all of the products, services, and websites offered by Bonnier Corporation and its subsidiaries or affiliated companies (collectively, "Bonnier").In regards to category #1—“It’s just a term”—I have occasionally heard of moms saying that they have a “date” with their sons.

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