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Go and get a hobby, join a club, do something that you haven't done before. It feels like the barrier for entry is that you've already gotten over the barrier for entry.I'm still trying, mainly because what the fuck else am I going to do, but its not going well.I personally know a chick that's a regular of ladyboners and a few other sex related subreddits. You can't find happiness, you have to create it. Yeah, this is bullshit because it's advice that someone gives once they've already accomplished those things, without describing the process. Self-esteem doesn't magically come out of the ether.
You need very few things at your age to meet a wonderful woman, but it's a quest. You're Link, or Luke, or some other hero of the story. I highly recommend Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People as well as a book called The Magic of Thinking Big. Be genuinely interested in what someone else has to say. Work out for God's sake, make your body look good. I've had a strong six figure job and a self esteem that was shit and couldn't get a date. If you hate your job reconsider it, maybe you're in survival mode for money but whatever it is you choose to do, you choose it, and you make it something you can be enthusiastic about. If you're a punk with a mohawk then there's a different but similar thing going on, it boils down to making yourself feel good about you first. The average shyish person will begin to see that they're interpreting things wrong--that other people aren't reacting as badly to them as they think.
First you must unlock the mystery of self confidence. Only the one true king can do it, but you just didn't know that was you the whole time because you were afraid to try. It's been a while, but I remember those as being very helpful to me in life. Because most people are not socialized well and they are taught to believe they deserve things they don't without effort. Now that you know how to communicate and you believe you can be awesome, start being awesome. I've also been a struggling artist and had to almost literally fight dates off. Mind, body, and soul is important, but the impressions are very, very important. If you feel good about yourself you will emanate something that is attractive. From there it's a long, slow process of becoming socially comfortable.
And also to not spam send out the same message to a hundred girls. But if you don't like it the way there is only one option. And that's the real key to good sex -- relax the fuck up and have fun doing it. You're both flopping your naughty bits in front of each other, and both of you are pretty hot about having those naughty bits flopping around. Grab and grope and lick and suck with great abandon, and without fear or limits. Third or fourth time, you'll both hit That Moment like a Boss, and it will be followed by the most fantastic breakfast ever, and you will suddenly realize, "Holy shit.
Seriously, It may seem like "work, work." to write personalised messages to people you're interested in, But each of those girls you send a copy-paste to will just think you're some crazy possibly slightly dangerous person, because when you get tonnes of messages from men daily you eventually kinda understand what's real and what is just some bullshit copy paste. Only one, and unless you accept that you will fail over and over again, you will be unhappy for all your life: If you don't like the way things are - fight with all your power to change it. I'm not a virgin and I don't feel like a total asshole having got here," and you will look across that diner table over the omelet and hash browns and smile, and you will thank me and Prolapsed Pineal and send us a silent fist bump.
Edit: If you're a virgin your body is going to be so excited to have sex the first time you're going to be rubbish. I want to keep up with helping out but I can't respond to every pm as well as I would like. They are the self-entitled ones who believe that food should fly in their mouths, and that their great inner values are enough to become great, no work needed. The most ridiculous and sexist concept I have ever heard of. But that doesn't change the matter: If you believe that somebody else to love you because you do something nice for them; if you believe that somebody else needs to feel a certain way because of things you do - then you are an idiot. Maybe you are just unlucky, there are a few of those - but, if you are honest with yourself, the chance that you are one of them is small. Bad for you that you say yes to all those donuts and chips. You avoid that donut and in return you wake up in the morning and your trousers fit. And then as far as dressing nice--fuck, some people figure out a cool style, other people look in magazines/clothing websites and try to find examples of stuff they're not totally embarrassed wearing that seems to fit in with the current style.
You can't expect to be an expert at something you're just trying for the first time. Don't watch porn to learn how to do this, read some of the great posts here about it. I thought a subreddit where other Dads could pitch in might be helpful. Sure, there might be one or two who would deserve better luck - but likely, when you are honest with yourself, you are probably not one of them. Yes, it's now applied in both directions, but traditionally it is that a woman "puts" a "nice" guy in the friendzone. If you are unhappily in the friendzone - you are an idiot, plain and simple. Is there a "fair" universe - where fair means biased in your favour - that gives you all the things you want? If you are on Reddit whining about your lack of friends or partner or your horrible job - then consider for a moment whether you are part of the problem, whether it is not your fault rather than the rest of the world being rude to you. Most people are socialised in this "get it all" society. You start reading a book on French and the next day you can talk fluently. But yeah, the breezy way Prolapsed Pineal describes all this is the sort of explanation that can only come from a dude who's been married for 20 years with stable friends/relationships for that long and completely forgets how tough it is building that stuff in the first place.
Son, if you're 23 I have some words of wisdom for you. In the extreme case, talking to a professional therapist can help a bit.
I'm almost old enough to be your dad and my boy and I talk pretty regularly about how the world works so I hope you don't take offense to my tone, it's meant to be helpful. Not that PUA shit, things that actually make you a better person, not a manipulative jackass. Even if your face is a mess, if you take care of yourself it tells someone else "this is a guy that takes care of himself". Now that you're a good communicator, have healthy self esteem, and have become more physically active we need to talk about your career. Polish your shoes, or at least clean your sneakers if that's your thing. In the more moderate cases, things like finding a friend/relative you trust to talk about how you feel and simple meditation can help you sort out why your relationships are the way they are.
I don't know, I guess the only thing to do is keep trying.
Or kill myself, but I'm punting that until I'm 30, I figure 3 solid years of trying and failing is proof positive that things aren't going to work out.
Also she'll want to meet the guy that makes her feel the most comfortable in meeting. But I haven't seen a person yet who cannot improve his lot by working hard on improving it.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating