Social studies on dating

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So, we had a range of couples and we videotape talking about problems and we identified the demand withdrawal pattern and here's what we showed.

We showed this in two different samples -- that the couples who were more affluent, the more they did this demand withdraw cycle, the worse off they were.

We all want it but sustaining that spark can be difficult in our hectic world, especially with life stressors beyond our control.

How do we find love and keep the passion alive throughout the years? So, you're a co-author of a study that was recently published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology that examined what's known as “demand withdraw behavior” and so to summarize that, that means one partner in a relationship asks the other to change something and the partner who's asked to make that change basically shuts down and withdraws. What we were building off of is an existing literature on the negative implications of the demand withdrawal pattern.

Relationship expert Benjamin Karney, Ph D, from the UCLA Marriage Lab shares valuable insights. And in this study, you looked at how that behavior is impacted based a bit impacts the couple's relationship satisfaction based on their income levels. So, there's been a lot of research on marriage that shows that when one partner seeks change and the other partner is invested in the status quo, you get this negative cycle where the person who wants change has to turn up the volume and ask more and ask more and the person who loves the status quo, which is often the male partner, but not always, has to withdraw to maintain this status quo and then that means that the person who wants change has to get louder and louder.

Benjamin Karney, Ph D, is a professor of social psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles, co-director of the UCLA Marriage Lab and an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation. The person who withdraws has to get worse and worse and a lot of research that's been done shows that this pattern has negative implications for marriage.

“I think a common complaint when people use online dating websites is they feel like they never get any replies,” says Bruch. But even though the response rate is low, our analysis shows that 21 percent of people who engage in this aspirational behavior do get replies from a mate who is out of their league, so perseverance pays off.” As for what makes someone more desirable, age seems to be a big factor.

Older men up to age 50 tend to have higher desirability scores than the younger bachelors, whereas younger women are more desirable than older users.

So it doesn't matter that we actually have never studied it in anyone except for a bunch of college-educated white couples.

Our work questions that assumption and says well, what if we think about couples that are not affluent that might not have gone to college, that might not have the same options that affluent college-educated couples have.

But the couples who were less affluent, the more that it demand-withdraw, the better off they were.

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